I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
