If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
