Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
