I'm eating all of the evidence.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
