the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
