Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
