My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
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