My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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