That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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