Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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