that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
