Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
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I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
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I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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