On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize