Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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