sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
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