32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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