How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
