Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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