My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
