a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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