i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
