Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
