did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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