I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
