I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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