Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
