So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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