You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
