I should be sponsored by Trojan
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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