She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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