The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
