i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
