I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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