i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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