i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
where am i from again
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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