Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
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He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
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Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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