I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
