her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
