She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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