How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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