y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
