I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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