Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
