new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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