If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
