Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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