I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
