I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
