well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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