He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
