I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
