try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
