Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
