so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
