Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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