So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
