Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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