i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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