The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
