Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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