Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
