I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
