i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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