Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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