im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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