I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
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Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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