Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
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