when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
