highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
