nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
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Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
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Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You've changed since you got that strap on
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize