Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
