Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just sucked dick on a ferry
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
