I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
