Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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