seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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