I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
